changing of the roll

while pondering what to blog... it came to me. i shared this story with my friend lyn... she laughed obsessively and i think anyone who reads this will too.

the other night my daughter, matilda, decided she would be a big girl and change the roll of toilet paper. i was proud that she was eager to try and also because frankly, i hate doing it. so in she goes... she comes out with the grand announcement.. 'mommy! come see what i did.' now up until walking in there, i truly did not know she had changed the roll. you see she decided to take it upon herself to do this. i, myself, wasn't even aware the roll was empty. (yes, the plot thickens)

i walk in and she's in her 'ta-da!' mode and i'm looking around helplessly trying to figure out what it is that she's so proud of... poor thing has to point to the new fat roll of bum paper. i smile and give her double high-fives on her achievement. she giggles proudly and we return to dinner.

the next day we get home, i change my clothes, start dinner and she begins to play... then goes to potty. not a normal potty, and no, not the diarrhea, normal number 2 quality. i hear the flush... the fatal flush as it will now be known. she comes out, 'mommy, the potty won't flush.' knowing i have no plunger, no husband and a possibly clogged commode - i walk slowly uncertain of what awaits me.

i assume she didn't push the handle down far enough... so i, in my infinent wisdom, flush it again.. full throttle - indeed, it doesn't flush. then, as if my life was flashing in my head all at once, i remember the sounds that pre-empted the whole roll changing event the evening prior. i remembered hearing the roll rattle as it was quickly depleted. and i turn to my beautiful daughter and calmly say, 'baby, how much toilet paper did you use?' her answer was the famous 'i don't know', and for some reason i asked again, with a little more aggression... same answer.

so then, i realized what i had to do... i had her sit in the living room while i mentally prepared myself for the task at hand. she went, tail between her legs and i sat on the floor in front of the porcelain god. pondering what to do next.

apartment office: closed. husband/signifant other present: nope. plunger: we know that answer. what was left? my hands - yes, but i couldn't bring myself to use them. there was number 2 in the potty after all.

then the light bulb went off in my head.. flickering ever so softly - a spoon! use a spoon! so i did. here i am, sitting on the cold tile floor, in front of the potty fishing out numerous wads of what was once angel soft toilet paper. i was extra careful to NOT fish out number 2 items. and once i unclogged the softball size wad of paper... EUREKA! it flushed.

fear not folks, i tossed the spoon that same evening.