calgon... take me away...

it's 1030pm. i've just won most of the world series of pop culture. i'm now drained mentally and physically. i, also, am tucked into my fantastic bed. then the phone rings. who in the WORLD is calling me ... NOW. one guess. no, not brad wanting a bootie call... not my dad to see if i made it home safe... it. was. HIM. here's how it went down...

me: very weak 'hello?'
HIM: it's me. lex won't take matilda. she's out of town with her family and is contemplating suicide over this. she got a letter from cps and it's a four year old little girl.
me: (thorougly pissed that he's calling now about this) 'IT. IS. NOT. ME!. i'm growing VERY tired of telling you this. YOU are the only person calling me about this. not the police. not cps. not lex. YOU. think about it - why would i keep her there if this went on. nothing makes sense. and i'll tell YOU something... if lex, and whoever else is involved, doesn't stop telling everyone that this is me... i'm going to call my attorney, and file a slander complaint. and if i find out something was WRITTEN, i'll file a libel complaint.'
HIM: well no one has called me either.
me: and you don't think THAT is odd?
HIM: well yeah, but i don't know what to think anymore. it's hard to believe you after how things ended. the police were called the house and i had to make a new life for myself and clear my name up in the city... it wasn't easy.
me: (i failed to see why this mattered AT ALL as we were talking about matilda's day care thing but i went with it for humor only) i'm making a new life for myself as well. it's what everyone does. and it seems you're getting along JUST fine what with a new roommate 2 months after the papers are filed. (yeah ... i said it)
HIM: i do not have a new roomate. (he said this as if here a child guitly of eating a cupcake before dinner)
me: i don't care what you do with your life now. what i'm telling you is this. i do NOT want matilda to be affected by this. i do NOT want her to be interviewed by anyone WITHOUT me present. i do NOT want to discuss this until someone produces something more substantial than, 'matilda fits the description.'
HIM: well i'm gonna call some friends with the pd and see what they can tell me.
me: (don't cha just LOVE the strings he can pull - it's like a game to him) they won't tell you anything but good luck.

that was it. i called mom and dad - i wanted to call my gal pal, lyn, but by this time it was already nearing 1130pm.. i called family protective services this morning... talked to a super nice woman who sounded so real and down to earth it made me so comfortable. basically no one will find out who the report filer is. it's not on record.. only a description of the child, what happened and when. the violation was filed on 6/13 according to the site with NO VIOLATIONS FOUND. i assume the letter that she's contimplating suicide over is the letter telling her no violations were found, but she may not live long enough to read it.

now i know that sounds horrible, but i have been thru so much DRAMA with this situation that i'm now becoming a bitter person about it. it's just plain craziness. in fact, SHE has the crazies. diagnosed i bet too.

anyway - i'm sorry if things said here upset people, but i had to get this out. i have lost far too much sleep over this to worry anymore. it's not healthy. and it's just not worth it. i sometimes feel like HIM is trying to corner me into admitting something that isn't true... he tried that once before - it backfired then, as it will now. i constantly worry that HIM will try something to fight for full custody of my precious matilda. i couldn't stand the thought of life without her. not having her. i'm a good mother. not the best, but dammit i try to be. i refuse to let him manipulate me anymore. i'm not backing down... i'm not going to let him push those buttons only HE knows how to push. it's over. WE are over. i'm done.

i guess i feel like someone filed this under my name. i guess it could happen. it's like a law and order: svu thing. wonder when benson will come and gather evidence?

anyway - thank you for letting me vent. i feel better.