funkadelic

and not in the whole 'marky mark and the funky bunch' way... i don't know why but i've been down lately. and i don't even have good reason. matilda turned 5 the other day and some people have suggested that's why i've been rather depressed, but i just don't know... doesn't make good sense to me, but then again i'm no expert on the subject.

thursday was the low day for me. which oddly enough WAS matilda's bday. so maybe there is some logic to that theory. i woke up in a downer kind of mood and just stayed there throughout the entire day. i was talking to a friend at work, who's also a divorced mom - a tad older than me but her daughter is the same age as matilda... she was in a rather bad relationship with a guy and she knew he was bad news but he was always there for her when she needed someone or was lonely... that's why she kept going back to him. she told me about a recent scuffle with him, which required police intervention, and said something that really hit me... hard.

she said that as mothers, we give our children all the energy and love we have inside us and focus all our attention on them, when will someone give the same to us? now when she said that, at first i thought, 'well i know matilda loves me.' but that's not what she meant. she meant a significant other. when will someone give us the same love and affection we give out? i felt sorry for her and what she went thru in her search for that, but at the same time, i asked myself if i would put myself in a similar situation. you know, a bad relationship just for the sake of being IN a relationship... it's not good for anyone. as we talked and her words really hit me, my eyes began to fill with tears. it was at that moment i realized i might never feel that. affection, love, companionship with another. i may, but again, i might not. it's slim pickens out there ladies. REALLY slim. i have decided that the old saying is true.. the good ones are taken.

but there is always hope. and when you lose that, you've truly given up. i'm not there yet. and i hope i'm never at that point. i'm too young to give up. my soulmate is out there. i believe that.

** i wanted to send a HUGE 'cheers' to my gal pal lyn. her and her chosen one celebrated 11 years of wedded bliss yesterday. eleven years. that's quite an accomplishment. they have two great kids and the world's biggest dog. congrats to you all! may you have 11 more! =)