school daze: day 2

okay so the first day of school was a complete success for matilda. i picked her up after school and she was all smiles, which really calmed my weary heart. the weekend was filled with school talk, teacher talk and lunch talk. so that really eased my weary mind. until today....

THE SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL... did NOT go quite as i had hoped... here's a run-down...
we got to the school a bit after 7am, walked inside and it started again, 10 times worse. she was crying. silent but very present crying. i walked into the room with her, they were watching finding nemo and i was sooo excited about that cause she had wanted to watch it this weekend but it wasn't on disney again. she didn't care today.

i walked over to the floor mat with her and sat her down in knelt beside her, which was tough cause of the crazy shoes AND my bad knees. =) so i'm squatting there and she hugs me... then she coughs. and i know what's next. and i was right. she made herself throw up. nothing but bile, but still. it's the simple fact that she's scared to death to the extreme point to induce vomitting. i felt awful... for her. i felt so horrible but i know school is the best thing. and i also know she's testing boundaries to see what she can get away with. 'if i puke, she won't make me stay.' well no, it doesn't work like that. and i know as soon as i leave, she'll be fine. she told me so on friday when i picked her up.

so i take her to the bathroom, she's still upset but she's out of the room and she's better. it's like it's that room. it wasn't her classroom it was another one. it was amazing to me how the other kids were so fine with it. they didn't care. there were two other ones with mothers velcroed to their sides. i watched as the moms tried to rip themselves away without inflicting pain and suffering on their offspring.

when matilda's teacher walked in i stood up and went to talk with her. told her she was having a bad morning and then I started to get upset. no, i didn't puke thankfully but i could have! i tried to fight back the tears so matilda wouldn't see me upset and as we talked, her teacher said that she knew how i felt, she has an 11 week old she leaves at daycare each morning. then SHE was upset. and as we both look at each other with red, watery eyes, she said, 'we'll both be crying moms together.' and i told her we had to be strong for the kiddos. and we both laughed. i did tell her that i think matilda is more calm when she sees her there. so i'm thinking a drop off at 730 is the thing. cause that's when she goes to pick up her kids from the morning early care thing.

so then she walked matilda and the other kids into her classroom and i slipped out the other door. it was a narrow escape and not an easy one, once i was on the road i was met with traffic, traffic and MORE traffic. i mean worse than what i was used to with my hour long commute. i make my way down the street only to be met with a fender / bender in the right lane - which means, it's closed so EVERYONE merged into the left lane. once we were past that it was smooth sailing.

sooo - i'm hoping tomorrow is better. tears i can deal with, not easily mind you, but i can deal with them.... the self inflicted vomitting, not-so-much. not a big fan of that activity... never have been. give me a bloody finger cut or a nasty bruise - just please no puke or, *shudder at the thought* snot. sooo not a fan of that. and i'm a mother of a 4 year old... imagine that. =)

the school thing gets easier right? RIGHT? please say it does cause i don't know that my heart can take another week of the crying thing. it's sooo painful because she doesn't understand the benefits to her right now... she only sees mommy leaving her someplace she doesn't want to be. help me explain it to her... advice from anyone is always appreciated. =)