the stuff that dreams are made of

... indeed. i am back from the land of swiss and more in love than when i left. cute dad and i have been together for almost 9 months, vacationed to san fran, germany and now switzerland. we travel so well together it's almost like we've known each other forever.

the trip was wonderful. i would've stayed another month if i could. if you ever have the chance to visit interlaken, plan a week. the town is so cute, small and friendly. it was a gem. truly. the alps were the most amazing things i've ever seen. it really makes one feel so very small in this world. zurich was a fun place too although the time we spent there was shorter and since the weather was so icky, i didn't get to explore as much as i would've liked. maybe next time. =)

matilda and i are moving into a larger place. it's very important to me that she have her own room and she is finally going to have it. we're literally moving into the building next to the one we're currently in so it should be a stress-free move. SHOULD BE. we shall see.

not much else going on... just loving my life for the first time in a long time. it's been a while since i've shared things with someone special. and our relationship has been a slow, gradual one. meaning we have both moved slowly and cautiously, me because of matilda and him because of past fears he's had to overcome. but now, we are almost inseperable. and i must admit, i love being a part of a couple - with my cute dad, that is. he's supportive of me... he encourages me... he compliments me... makes me laugh...makes me smile...makes me feel important and most of all, he makes me feel appreciated and loved. neither of us take the other for granted, and neither of us still believe we are with one another. it's like a story honestly. and i can't wait to find out how it ends. =)

honey i'm home...

it's been AGES since i have poked my head around this place. it's quite dusty. and rather dark and gloomy... not good.

well i am here for a VERY quick update on my life - which couldn't be better! remember cute dad? well, we've been together for 8 months. and i am head over heels for him. we've gone on a few trips together, san francisco, germany and will be leaving for switzerland tomorrow.

even i can't believe this. but life is good. matilda is in kindergarten and just as bossy and sassy as a 6 year old can be. but it's all good. we are upgrading to a 2 bedroom place next month and in general - life is grand.

soo... i promise to update better and more regularly. but i am a procrastinator so you have to cut me some slack.

ciao!

what a difference a day makes

... okay so make that a year. today i celebrate 35 years on this earth and with that, i thought i would reflect on the many things that have made up the last year of my life. and sprinkle in some of the things i hope to discover this year.

this time last year i was freshly divorced and actually wondered if my ex would say 'happy birthday' to me... yes, i was THAT dillusional. he didn't in case you were wondering. =) i wasn't sure if i would be able to survive on my own, was VERY afraid of raising matilda by myself and wondered if i would go insane in the process. but over the last several months i have discovered, or UNcovered many things about myself that were always there, i just didn't realize it.

i CAN take care of myself AND matilda and have a pretty good time in the process. she has 'graduated' from pre-school and shows no signs of needing a therapist anytime soon. (not yet anyway.) we have had our ups and downs but the ups are so wonderful and the downs are so minimal that we don't even focus on those. i've learned alot from her and i've learned a great deal about myself as a mother. i have come to accept the fact that my sweet little girl doesn't like ANYTHING girly. is NOTHING like me, doesn't look too much like me, but yet, has her moments when i think to myself, 'you are DEFINENTLY MY child.' she is clumsy just like me, she has gestures when she talks much like me and her hair, as unruly as it is, is much like mine as well. she might not be girly like me, but she is still my sweet little girl.

this past year i've gone thru alot of changes. one of the most difficult was the loss of my 'mum'. i refuse to call her my grandmother because i never called her that. she was and always will be 'mum'. it was a time that we all knew would come but hoped it would be later rather than sooner. but i do now know she is in a MUCH happier place and she is a beautiful now as she was when she met my 'pap'. they are together once again and i know they are both complete. it was hard to say goodbye and let go, but her memory lives with me everyday. i think of her each day either when i wake up or when i go to sleep. more often i do or say things during the day that mum always did or said. 'bunches' was a word she used all the time. 'love you bunches'. i have adopted that saying. and no one could hold onto a napkin or tissue longer than mum. well, i have always done this and never really knew why until one day in the hospital. she was holding onto a rather tattered tissue. so even though she is no longer with us, she will always be with me.

i overcame some fears that had been deepset for MANY MANY years... one of which was the fear of flying. back in may, i had the pleasure of going to fabulous las vegas with some work friends. the trip was something i was looking forward to and something that made me extremely nervous. a) i was flying alone. b) i had an entire day to myself IN las vegas. c) i wasn't sure if i'd ever actually FIND my friends (they can be rather flakey). and d) well it was las vegas - that alone makes me nervously excited. i battled the flight with a bit of anxiety - it was quite bumpy, befriended a flight attendant who was very charming and made my nervousness disappear as best he could. i also endured a rather lengthy one-sided conversation with a passenger who LOVED to talk about himself. reminded me of my ex. i indulged him at first and then got bored with him and focused on my book. a girl can only take so much, you know.

the trip was fantastic. i took a tour to the grand canyon alone. i boarded a tour bus with a bunch of strangers and enjoyed the solitude and newness of the situation at hand. i was nervous merely because i was alone and not sure of what to expect, but as soon as the bus left, i had come into my own. armed with my ipod and book, i escaped for a while and found myself gazing out the window. it was the most peaceful trip i had ever taken. upon arrival to the canyon, i was speechless. the grand canyon is truly one of the most beautiful places one can see. when i got off the bus, i found a nice rock and claimed. i turned on my ipod and just sat there for 10 minutes or so... and took it all in. the colors were the most beautiful shades i've ever seen. i actually cried at one point because i was so overwhelmed with many different emotions. truly a sight to see for everyone.

the main reason i chose this particular tour was to experience the famous skywalk. for a mere 25 bucks you can walk this creation and test your fears... for real. so i did it. i was scared to death but it was something i just HAD to do. and i'm so glad i did. for me it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. i might make it back again, but i might not and i wanted to experience all i could. i walked on the glass walkway and peered down into the raveen (spelling not so certain) and wondered how far down it actually went. it was truly something. i stayed out there for about 10 minutes... not so long at the very middle of the walkway, but long enough to see out into the canyon. if you ever get the chance to visit the grand canyon west, i highly recommend a visit on the skywalk. you won't soon forget it.

yes, 34 brought me alot of experiences and 35 is already proving to do much of the same. in july i will take my first EVER cruise. i'll be going with some very good friends and we shall cruise to cozumel, mexico. am i nervous? sure. never been on a big boat before. am i excited? you bet! i can't wait to get on a big boat. i'm hopeful this will be the first of many cruises i will take in my lifetime. i will let you know.

you've heard me talk about 'cute dad' at matilda's school? well, contact has been made official. we visited at our children's pre-school graduation and started a friendship (or something anyway)... we emailed each other back and forth and on day two, he invited me to lunch. it was very nice and there were no weird gaps in conversation. he was interested in me as much as i was in him. we talked about different things, travel, children, family... normal stuff. when it was over he said it wasn't long enough. he left for europe 2 days later (for work) and said he'd call when he returned. we shall see. he did call me from the airplane the day he left - that was quite impressive i thought - considering they don't like you to use cell phones on planes. i'll let you know how it goes.

all in all, 35 has started out to be great. i have wonderful friends who support me when i need it and who aren't afraid to slap me into shape when i need that too. so much about me has changed from the clothes i wear, the food i eat and the music i listen to. i have become much more open to new things than ever before and i embrace as many opportunities to grow as i can.

so, happy birthday to me. you've come a long way baby.

just another day

so this weekend was pretty much ultra relaxed. matilda had spent wednesday and thursday night with HIM so i wanted a nice relaxing weekend... on a side note... matilda called me BOTH days as soon as she was in HIM's car on the ride home from school. it was refreshing for me because it actually made me feel important to her. i know that sounds silly, but that's me.

saturday we, me, matilda and my parentals, drove to a super great place to eat... if you have one near you, i HIGHLY suggest you take a taste. may i recommend the 'caprese'... after that we drove to a very nice and refreshing nursery. matilda befriended a couple dogs who lounged under big potted trees and old country porches. then she saw the kitty... and it was PAINFUL to pull her away from the sweet, sweet kitty.

the day was nice and relaxing. except for the driving. i've discovered that there aren't that many nice drivers left in the world. not to say that I'M the nicest driver, but i do believe in karma and will let the occasional last minute turning vehcile over into my lane to save them some grief. but i didn't find maybe people extending the same amount of courtesy to me.

case in point... the road to this nursery was just off a major highway here that is under construction. has BEEN under construction since 1985 and shows NO signs of completing anytime soon... so the feeder roads are all discombobulated as such. i'm travelling along and realize 'OMG - my lane is turn only..' so i signal that i need to get into the right lane and hope that a NICE driver will slow down and let me over... that isn't the case. i keep driving with my signal on as i approach the turn in the road and edge my way over in front of an explorer.. who might i add.. had slowed down a bit, then SPED up to PREVENT me from moving in front of her... as i merged over - she honks her horn at me and I wave 'hi!' from the front seat... as she passes me up a bit down the road.. she literally glared at me and i waved a very energetic 'HELLO TO YOU TOO!!!' i didn't show her the finger cause what good does that do really.. i waved. call me stupid but i figured she hates me anyway, i might as well add to it. it'll give her a funny story to tell her friends. 'do you know what this moronic girl had the nerve to do! WAVE at me !!' karma will get her. my father suggested i follow her and give her a lesson in courtesy. but i decided that she might be crazy and i, too would be crazy to actually DO that. although my uncle has.. but i digress.

all in all... be nice drivers people. it takes more effort and anger to prevent people from getting where they need to be so just make someone's day and let in a car or two. you never know when that person in the wrong lane will be you.

...and i am telling you

yes, i AM telling you.. well not YOU you, but a particular guy in our office. i'll paint the history for you so it all makes sense...

this co-director person was hired and he's not exactly fitting in well with ANYONE in this department, let alone his team. he's pushy, negative, and worst of all, doesn't have much respect for women. meaning, he has a man validate anything he's heard from a woman. which really pisses me off, but whatever. i don't work for him.. just WITH him - which is bad enough.

so after he started, he made his rounds taking out various people to lunch. members of his team, other random folks he thought would benefit him and what not. now, these weren't GROUP lunches, they were one on one lunches. he had asked me once and i brushed it off by saying that it wasn't necessary but thank you. apparently that only bought me another couple weeks...

he asked again, 'you need to decide on a day when i can take you to lunch.' i said, 'really, it's not necessary thank you.' and he said, 'i know is not necessary, just pick a day that works.' i said, 'i'll get back to you.' not my best response but again, it bought me another couple weeks. so when i got my promotion he emailed me congratulations and said, 'we need to celebrate with lunch.' i chose not to respond. then two weeks ago.. he brought it up again. i said again, thank you but not necessary. his response this time was, 'i'm giving you the option to pick the day if you don't, i'll pick it.' i laughed and said, 'good luck with that.' and that was the end of it... until yesterday.

we had to meet to prepare for a meeting tomorrow and during that meeting, i disagreed with things he told me, all about how he wanted me to send things to certain people who had no business getting the information... blah blah blah - typical work stuff, but i made it clear i didn't agree with it... at the end of the meeting here's how it went down:

dude: 'so you never selected a day for me to take you to lunch so i'm going to do it.'
me: 'you know, about lunch, i'm just going to say thank you, but no thank you. my lunch is my personal time away from work with friends or to run errands. i don't even go to lunch with my boss so please don't be offended. so i'm going to say thank you, but no thank you. is that okay?'
(side note: as soon as i said, 'is that okay?' i wanted to shoot myself, but it was too late.)

dude:' no, it's not okay.'
me: 'well it's going to have to be. are we thru here?'
dude: 'yes. i think so.'
me: 'okay.'

after hearing his 'no, it's not okay.' i was sooo glad i said it. so, i confided in another manager here who is sort of a mentor for me, who advised i create a log about all these incidents just in case it gets worse. apparently this guy is under close watch due to lack of performance and he's on a short leash with the big boss.

i was pretty proud of myself for standing up and not letting this moron bully me. i've said yes when i meant no far too many times in my life and i'm not doing it anymore. 11 years was enough.

... and i am telling you... i am NOT going!' the rest of this song does NOT apply but that bit certainly does!

girl power! rock on! NEVER say 'yes' if you really mean 'no!' the only one who suffers is you.

it's a hard lesson to learn, but a good one.

i like the way you move

okay okay okay... yes, it's been FAR too long since we've last talked, but here i am...

sadly, there is nothing new to report.

although i have gotten pretty good at zero-ing in on hot guy at the gym. it's like my eyes are lo-jack and i can find him anywhere, anytime. not that he's looking at me of course. i've decided he IS one of those guys who know they're good looking. he probably thinks he's out of everyone's league... maybe he is... doubtful, but who knows. so for now, i just admire his hotness and the way he moves when he's pumping iron. i no longer use the machines near him... no point. i don't want to watch espn unless a team i like is playing.. i'd rather watch something else.. there's lots of eye candy. but i am there to work out and burn calories.. of course it never hurts to have something to focus on. right?

on a side note... i was checking out at my local grocery store sunday evening... and the checker guy (who was probably 23 / 24 years old)... said to me, 'what year are you?' his speech was very slurred so i wasn't sure what he asked me... so i smiled so as not to answer incorrectly... he asked again, 'what year are you? what school did you just enroll in this year?' i said, 'what?' he goes, 'are you a freshman or a sophomore? there's not much difference in appearance between the two.' i looked at him and said, 'honey, i'm way past sophomore but thanks for asking me.' and i smiled...

now you have to know how i looked at this point... i had just come from working out. which essentially means, my hair was a fright, little to no make up and i probably stank to the heavens. and this dude asks me if i'm a sophomore in college... as if. i looked older at that moment than i do now! i was flattered but i think he was just being flirty and that was his way of picking up a MUCH older woman. i should've humored him. if he were cuter i might have.

book alert: my fave book that i recently finish, in record time i might add, 'emily's reasons why not'... i LOVED this book. i think this was made for a tv series.. VERY short lived series. i never watched it. but the book, i loved. add it to your list. and i hope you like it too.

just like heaven

so yesterday i spend the day with matilda and her class. it was their annual field trip and this year included a trip to the imax and the planetarium. both of which i'm rather fond of and don't mind visiting. add about 25 4 - 5 year olds and it's a whirlpool of fun.

luckily for me and the other volunteer parents who went along, we each had 2 kids to keep up with. i got matilda and another sweet boy, who was 'cute dad's' son. luck has shone upon me i tell you. he was a very well behaved little boy. held my hand when we walked around, listened when i called for him, more importantly he CAME to me when i called for him. matilda did as well, but she knew she could test my limits because i was also focusing on another child.. which i think made her a tad jealous.

all in all the day was great... the imax was fun... it was actually the one i wanted to see - 'the deep sea'. it was great to watch the kids 'grab' at the fish - the imax was in 3d you see. so it was lots of fun. about 20 min into it, matilda says, 'mommy is it almost over?' i shook my head 'yes' and that was that. seconds later, adam, cute dad's boy, says, 'i'm hungry. when do we leave?' 'in a little bit longer okay?' i whispered... little did they know they had about another 20 minutes to... PLUS a trip to the planetarium. but they survived.

the planetarium was less fun for me. i got a bit sickly in there, what with the huge screen on the ceiling and it's fast moving movie... yeah - not too good for me.. and i was going on little nourishment. i think if i HAD eaten something it would've wound up on the little girl beside me.

once that was over - not soon enough for this gal, we loaded the kids up on the bus and drove to the have lunch in the park. i can't tell you how nice it was. the day was beautiful and the kids were being fairly contained. after all the lunches had been consumed and they could be still no longer, they made a dash for the big hill and began to roll down it. it was so much fun to watch all 25 kiddos rolling down the side of the green grassy hill. their dazed faces were hillarious.

i, of course, had my camera and snapped some cute shots of most of the kiddos.. including cute dad's boy... so NOW i have an in... here's how i'm gonna work it...

me talking to cute dad: 'so you know i went along with the kids on the field trip the other day and took some cute pictures of adam... if you have an email address i can send them to you if you like.' will that work? it should right? unless he has no email... that would be almost unheard of right? well, that's my plan for now... and it HAS to work. or at least get me somewhere.

all in all the day was fantastic. the only downside is the blister i have on my heel from my so called comfy ballet flats. they were supposed to be good for walking... and i was planning on taking them with me when i go on vacation in may... now i have to buy another pair of shoes... because, not only is it a blister.. but it's the SIZE OF PLUTO! and i know... i saw that planet in the planetarium movie.