kid smarts

so it's time that matilda gets used to the idea of being in school. i found a school that i was pleased with, a private school where she'll learn the fundamentals and will be able to continue her educational career at this school thru high school graduation.

today was the admission assessment. i was nervous because i know how shy she can become especially when there's someone new involved. well - my nervousness was right on. she clung to me like glue to a post it note and as much as i wanted to be invisible during the assessment, i found myself sitting right beside her thru it all.

she did so well. i was very impressed with how well she did. not that i doubted her abilities for one second but you know how things get when shyness prevails. anyway... there came a point where she was asked to complete a picture. it was of a boy who was missing some key parts. she was to draw the parts that were missing.. thankfully she didn't draw a private part...OMG that would have been funny. she drew the missing leg, the missing arm, gave him two eyes and something that looked like an ear. when she was finished she was asked, 'how do you think he feels?' she took a second and said, 'happy.' now, looking at this 'boy' ...'happy' wouldn't have come to my mind... in fact, i would have said 'ah, demented.' =) but 'happy' it was. she was then asked 'why do you think he's happy?' matilda paused for a second again and then said, 'because he's finished.'

can you believe that. i'm 34 years old and would have never said that. i was never more proud of her. very smart answer i think. she continued to do well thru the rest of the assessment. they tossed a bean bag for a bit and matilda clocked the teacher in the eye once with her overhand throw. hopefully she won't bruise. ;-)

i'll know later this week where she placed. i'm holding strong with pre-k 4, which is where she should be. i'll let you know!

mothers day 2006

happy mom's day to mother's everywhere.

i actually never thought of myself as being a mom. it was something that scared me to the core of my being. me - caring for someone other than myself. impossible! when people would ask us (me and my then husband) 'when are you going to have a baby?' i would look at them as if to say, 'please!' that just wasn't something i ever wanted.

as a child, my mom tells me that i never played with babydolls, just barbie. i remember having about each and every barbie ever created too. my how SHE'S changed. but i never really played house. so having a real baby didn't really appeal to me. until it happened... or didn't happen i should say. =)

i remember the day i found out i was pregnant. i was scared to death and to this day only one other person knows about my true fears i conquered that day. when i found out i was 'with child' i would have done anything to make it not true. anything. i talked with my doctor who was very supportive and talked to me about options... and scheduled me for an ultrasound the very next day.

my best friend went with me and when i heard the heartbeat and saw the little peanut in my belly it was over. it was at that moment that i knew i was ready. all the fears i had about being a mom vanished. i was already becoming someone's mom. (then i started to feel REALLY bad about having those drinks a few nights before...)

i've tried to be the best mom i know how to be, but this is my first time around so i'm still learning quite a bit. i've learned that nothing can come close to seeing your child smile when she's successfully turned the light on in the bathroom or seeing her gleam with pride about the freshly changed toilet paper roll in the bathroom...(this one still makes me nervous though) =)

and yesterday, on the day to honor mom's everywhere, seeing the joy she had when i opened the card she colored herself and confidently announced that she picked the card AND the colors herself - well that's about as good as it gets. well, not until she picks 'wild flowers' on the way to breakfast.. that ranks up there pretty high too.

i know i'm far from being the best mom on the planet and i know i still have alot of things to do better at with matilda... but for now - i'm doing what i think is best. i'm learning to accept the fact that she's a 4 year old who likes to get dirty and touch things when she probably shouldn't and who's gonna spill things on the carpet... i'm struggling with letting these things that sorta bug me go. it's not easy, but life is too short to sweat the small stuff. i've read that phrase alot and it is so true.

so from here on out, i'm focusing on patience (or lack thereof) and i'm going to continue to be the best mom i can be to my sweet little matilda.

happy mother's day (a day later, but still)...

wisdom gained in the past 72 hours

1) the run-into-my-arms-and-hold-on-tight-hug from matilda is by far the best thing on the planet.

2) maybe i WASN'T ready to trim my hair.

3) speaking of hair... it's time to color it.

4) never leave a bottle of kid's shampoo in the bathtub WHILE they're in the tub.

5) excessive amounts of kid's shampoo = slippery tub.

6) the new tab energy drink ads piss me off. don't get me started.

7) the coconut creme coffee creamer is pretty darn tasty... with coffee or without. =)

girls nite out

there's something to be said about the party girl attitude and the first thing to say is that - it. is. not. me.

nope - i've said it once, and i'll say it again - not my cup of tea. here's the skinny on my night out with the gals...

it was a work friend's sister's birthday. yes - didn't even know who the birthday girl was except to say that she was the sister of a my work friend. and not even a CLOSE work friend mind you. but i had gone out with this work friend's friend before. (another work friend.) i can see names are going to come in handy so i'll break it down... work friends are 'j' and 'k' and birthday girl is 'j2'. there are other girls involved but i don't think names are necessary....

so i go to k's house, it's the said meeting point, which by the way, is in a most ghetto fabulous location. the pad itself is sweet but the neighborhood it's in - not so much. i get there to find k in her robe. only a robe. now let me describe k to you. she's gorgeous. blonde, bought and paid for boobs, and from what i could later tell, her butt was artificially toned as well. no white girl has an ass like that. anyway - i discovered she was not a modest gal... neither am i, but i'm more modest than her. i wouldn't let HER see me in less than night gown, but i walked into her bathroom to find her in a thong and bra. HELLO! that's when i found out her ass HAD to be a purchase made a while back.

anyway, she dons a cute strapless number - cause paid for boobs are the ONLY boobs that work with these types of dresses and we are set to go. the doorbell announces the other girls. now, i'm not a vain person, but i thought i looked okay... not as good as k, mind you, but really... who DOES look that good really. so i figured when j got there - i should look cuter than her. my NATURAL assets are more shapely than j's. she too looked cute and i immediately fell into an all too familar feeling of being the designated 'personality girl'. meaning, 'she's so sweet and has a GREAT personality.' i felt like the ugly sister who was LUCKY to have been invited out with the 'A' team. why i suffer thru things like this i have no idea.

so we pile in to j's lexus sedan... there were 5 of us in all. i got close and comfy with k and her perky boobs. feeling more and more ugly by the minute. we get to the sushi place which was beyond cool. great location, great scenery and incredible atmosphere. the food was good too. i'm not a well versed sushi eater, but i know what i like - so that's what i got. it was good, but i rather like the sushi from the local kroger down the street. oddly enough.

we go to the bar cause apparently they wouldn't seat us until the rest of our party arrived... two other gals. my mind began to wander as to how gorgeous THESE two would be. i braced myself for their pending arrival. anyway... we saunter up to the bar, and naturally - the men gawked... blinded by k's beauty or boobs or a combo of both. we all ordered a drink and surprisingly enough the single gent at the bar talked to ME. asked me what i was drinking, i told him and he commented on how he now only drinks wine because the hard stuff gets him too drunk. 'the lightweight', i thought to myself. anyway, the other gals arrived and we were all introduced... i was relieved to see they looked normal. and when i say normal, i mean they weren't glammed out to the max. they were from jersey - complete with the accents to prove it. i loved them.

we ate - people watched and i was rather enjoying myself. then it was time to hit the hard spots... we loaded in the car and made our way to the first stop, which turned out to be a bar. not a club... a bar. the place was deserted. the bartender said 'everyone' was upstairs so naturally we went up there only to find that 'everyone' meant about 10 people. so we went back downstairs and found a comfy spot on a set of corner sofas. we people watched and i actually found amusement in watching the various guys hit on k. wonder what that's like anyway. one of the guys came over to the rest of us bottom feeders and introduced himself. he was heavy, tall and was wearing mirrored sunglasses at 10pm INSIDE a dimly lit bar. he looked like a big bug. he introduced himself to us and for the life of me i couldn't tell you his name if a gun was to my head. he said something and then was gone. i later found out that he told j that we were boring. perhaps if he realized how moronic he looked, he'd have known we thought he was 'special' and NOT in a good way.

we left that place after a long hour - and headed to the final destination. a club. a scary club at that. the birthday girl got in free, leaving the rest of us to pay the $10 cover.. k didn't feel she (or we, she said) should have to pay cover. she was literally apalled that the cover charger girl asked her for money. i began to get a little embarassed and almost offered to pay for ALL of us just to get inside with the rest of our group.. you see, the other 4 girls were already in there, leaving k, j and me outside. i mean, we couldn't just LEAVE with them in there. so k and j slowly paid their measly 10 bucks, as did i, and we went inside... to a place i affectionately refer to as simlply 'hell.'

it was dark, hot and girls were dancing with duct tape covering their mouths... oh and some had their hands securred with duct tape. they were dancing behing chains, bars and one, who must have been the employee of the month, had no barriers around her 'stage'. anyway, we made our way back to the 'open table in the back' i was told... little did the jersey girls know that those tables were clearly 'open' because they were RESERVED. and not for us. anyway, we stayed there, ordered some drinks and blended in with the other private party goers. we were never asked to leave, probably cause 2 of the gals had opened up bar tabs and it was apparent they knew how to use them. we made friends with the ligit VIPers next to us. and were able to see these S&M girls get made up for their stage acts. (the 'dressing room' was next to us.)

i met a girl named 'paige' who said she was celebrating her birthday. i asked how old she was cause she was screaming for attention and she announced 'oh i'm old.' i was intrigued by this since she didn't look a day over 21. i prepared for her squeaky reply 'i'm 23.' i wanted to slap her really. i said, 'well paige, you're alot younger than me.' and she said, 'well you look ALOT younger than me.' and i wanted to say, 'that's because i'm not kicking it it bars every weekend.' but instead i just said, 'you're very sweet. have a good time tonight.' and with that, she slammed another shot of what i assume was tequila.

at 145am, the gals were ready to hit the road. i was MUCH overdue for bed. it was after all WELL past my usual bedtime of 930pm.

i got home around 230am and ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a side of water =) and then tucked myself into bed. waking up the next morning (or later that morning rather) at 830am. 6 hours of sleep - not too shabby..maybe i AM cut out for the party scene.

NAHHHHH...

to medicate...or not to medicate

... THAT is the question.

i've often wondered what kind of person i'd be under the influence of say, zoloft or xanax... i've taken xanax for my fear of flying and it's a nice relaxer, but i'm talking about everyday use here.

things that shouldn't bother me... do and i'm afraid it's going to have some damaging affects on me and matilda. i've noticed that i tend to be more and more bothered by the teeniest things... from her putting her dirty shoes on the freshly cleaned carseat or running water all over the floor in the bathroom. these are things that preschoolers do so why does it bother me. i've always wanted things to be in order, and when i see something that's not - i can't rest until it's fixed. this can be as simple as a row of votive holders on my window and one isn't set in an equal distance from the others to something more drastic like a spot on the light beige carpet that i can't seem to get out. this is life though - life brings things along that have to be dealt with and i shouldn't let it get to me.

i've been told, mainly by my dad, that i seem stressed all the time. i don't feel stressed, but i do recognize when i start to become bothered by these little things. i try to blow it off but i can't seem to get past the fact that matilda has, for the 20th time, opened up the patio door to go in and out MULTIPLE times... i tell myself - 'she's a kid, she's playing' - but by the 21st door slam... i'm close to losing it.

i plan to speak to my doc about my sudden onset of loss of patience. i've always had it, just never quite like this. i don't want my child to look at me with fear because she's spilled cherry koolaid on the light colored carpet. (this hasn't happened yet, but i'm prepared with new oxy clean carpet spot remover in case it ever does)

i want to be the best mom i can be for her and i want her to have fun with me and know that we have a good time together. we do, but i also know i need to work on my patience because it will only be tested more and more as she gets older. if i lose control when she's four...i'll be braindead when she turns 16.

pitfalls of being high maintenance

so as i live my new and improved life of being even MORE girly than before - i've discovered some obstacles which i must learn either avoid altogether or figure out how to NOT do it again...

now, i love my pretty solar nails, i take good care of them, but i've found, rather recently i might add, that taking out my contacts isn't as easy as it once was. i didn't realize one could pinch their own eyeball, but low and behold.. one CAN and one DID. it was quite possibly the most pain i have experienced since stepping on the nail at my parent's house... i actually expected to have a little red mark on the white part of my eye.. but i didn't. my entire EYE was red. the whole thing. it was very painful but in a few minutes the pain subsided. then i took out the other one. with no problems. need to figure out a way to remove these things better.

hair color is another area that i'm now addicted to. i have gray hairs. not hidden too well either. there's a small little 'pack' of gray hairs on the front of my head. if i wear my hair a certain - they SCREAM at you to look at them. this is simply not acceptable. i shall have my hair colored this weekend. hopefully with something fun for summer.

book smarts

did i mention that i recently finished reading 'the devil wears prada'? it's been so long since i've blogged that i can't remember what i've told you and what i haven't... well - i finished it. it's funny because i'm no where NEAR an assistant in the entertainment industry (as in the book) but i could TOTALLY relate to the story.

see i used to support someone very similar the 'the devil' in that book. oh yes... as i read how the assistant would fetch coffee, deliver items already given to the person simply because she didn't want to search for it in her folder... yeah - been there done that. damn laura weisenberger for being smart enough to write a story about it - and beat me to the glory.

come to think of it - if I wrote it - it'd be autobiographical. hmmmm yes - i like it. not that i'll do anything with it, but i did enjoy reading a fictious story that closely resembled my life a few years ago.

i'm now reading 'the secon assistant'... yeah - there's a pattern here folks. but they're all stuff i can relate to. my favorite part from a recently finished book was a part where an assistant saw a type-written 'while you were out' slip and commented on how awful the boss was to make HIS assistant type out his messages... however when she read it closely it said: 'While You Were Out... i thought of ways to kill you.' THAT is comedy folks.

wonder how quickly someone would be fired for actually doing that in real life. i'm guessing HR would be in front of you, along with some nice security officers packing heat, in 2 minutes flat. i don't care to find out how accurate i am.