much ado about nothing...

well hello strangers... so sorry it's been so long since we last talked. to be honest, not much has happened. i'm adjusting to my new apartment nicely... the air conditioner situation continues to torment me, but i'm beginning to understand the workings of an older building AC unit. i think i am anyway.

i truly wish i had something super exciting to share, but sadly, i don't. i mainly just wanted to check in, get some thoughts down and move on to whatever this day will bring.

the trials of being a single woman in her 30's continues to give my friends ammunition to set me up with guys. case at hand, my good friend bre. she and i used to work together, she moved on and has made it her mission to hook me up with a guy she works with. he's 2 years younger than me, which isn't the direction i wanted to go into, but at this point - who am i to complain about that, right? so she sets up a little b-day party for herself, invites her closest friends, and this guy... now, she raved about how funny he was, how cute he was and how i just HAD to meet him. oh and how his car was so hot... cause THAT matters - and it does i think. guys SHOULD have hot cars, especially if they're zooming the chicks. which i think this guy does. on a regular basis.

so in walks mr. right now, and i instantly pick out the two things about his appearance that bother me. he has an overbite that is odd looking to me, and his eyes are farther 'out' than a normal set of eyes... granted they were the prettiest shade of blue i'd ever seen. i just couldn't get past these two things. then, after talking to him for a couple hours, i discovered that he waxes... his entire body!!! WTH? i get this news on a day that i opted to NOT shave my very own legs. i was feeling more and more unkept by the second. anyway - we talk about random things, he tells me details of his last relationship, asks me about my divorce - hitting the heavy subjects early on... then, at one point he says (and he was surely joking) he needs to take me to meet his mom in his hometown. he was joking. right? RIGHT? oh definently.

seriously, he was a nice guy... and i'm sure he'd be fun to go out with a time or two... but i'm looking for a man. not a guy. and i'm not sure he fits the bill for me. not now. and besides that... will someone PLEASE tell me what the protocol is for single folks these days. cause i have never dated. and when i say never - i literally mean ... N.E.V.E.R. i mean, what do guys expect.. kisses, hand-holding, sex? what? i have no idea. i know i'm not looking for love. that much i can tell you.

i'm honestly not looking for anything at the moment. and what scares me is that i'll agree to go out with him to spare his feelings. which is what i did when my ex-husband asked me out. and we all know how THAT relationship worked out for me. i'm not a bitch of a woman... i'm not a ruthless, cold hearted gal either. i don't know how to let men, or anyone for that matter, down easy. how do you tell someone that you like them, but you're just not interested in anything serious... because honestly - i think this guy is looking for something long-term... i'm definently not his girl.

i've got an idea of what type of man i want. i've already drawn up the plans in my mind, from what he looks like to the type of man he is inside. one day he'll find me or i'll find him and when that happens, we'll both know.

calgon... take me away...

it's 1030pm. i've just won most of the world series of pop culture. i'm now drained mentally and physically. i, also, am tucked into my fantastic bed. then the phone rings. who in the WORLD is calling me ... NOW. one guess. no, not brad wanting a bootie call... not my dad to see if i made it home safe... it. was. HIM. here's how it went down...

me: very weak 'hello?'
HIM: it's me. lex won't take matilda. she's out of town with her family and is contemplating suicide over this. she got a letter from cps and it's a four year old little girl.
me: (thorougly pissed that he's calling now about this) 'IT. IS. NOT. ME!. i'm growing VERY tired of telling you this. YOU are the only person calling me about this. not the police. not cps. not lex. YOU. think about it - why would i keep her there if this went on. nothing makes sense. and i'll tell YOU something... if lex, and whoever else is involved, doesn't stop telling everyone that this is me... i'm going to call my attorney, and file a slander complaint. and if i find out something was WRITTEN, i'll file a libel complaint.'
HIM: well no one has called me either.
me: and you don't think THAT is odd?
HIM: well yeah, but i don't know what to think anymore. it's hard to believe you after how things ended. the police were called the house and i had to make a new life for myself and clear my name up in the city... it wasn't easy.
me: (i failed to see why this mattered AT ALL as we were talking about matilda's day care thing but i went with it for humor only) i'm making a new life for myself as well. it's what everyone does. and it seems you're getting along JUST fine what with a new roommate 2 months after the papers are filed. (yeah ... i said it)
HIM: i do not have a new roomate. (he said this as if here a child guitly of eating a cupcake before dinner)
me: i don't care what you do with your life now. what i'm telling you is this. i do NOT want matilda to be affected by this. i do NOT want her to be interviewed by anyone WITHOUT me present. i do NOT want to discuss this until someone produces something more substantial than, 'matilda fits the description.'
HIM: well i'm gonna call some friends with the pd and see what they can tell me.
me: (don't cha just LOVE the strings he can pull - it's like a game to him) they won't tell you anything but good luck.

that was it. i called mom and dad - i wanted to call my gal pal, lyn, but by this time it was already nearing 1130pm.. i called family protective services this morning... talked to a super nice woman who sounded so real and down to earth it made me so comfortable. basically no one will find out who the report filer is. it's not on record.. only a description of the child, what happened and when. the violation was filed on 6/13 according to the site with NO VIOLATIONS FOUND. i assume the letter that she's contimplating suicide over is the letter telling her no violations were found, but she may not live long enough to read it.

now i know that sounds horrible, but i have been thru so much DRAMA with this situation that i'm now becoming a bitter person about it. it's just plain craziness. in fact, SHE has the crazies. diagnosed i bet too.

anyway - i'm sorry if things said here upset people, but i had to get this out. i have lost far too much sleep over this to worry anymore. it's not healthy. and it's just not worth it. i sometimes feel like HIM is trying to corner me into admitting something that isn't true... he tried that once before - it backfired then, as it will now. i constantly worry that HIM will try something to fight for full custody of my precious matilda. i couldn't stand the thought of life without her. not having her. i'm a good mother. not the best, but dammit i try to be. i refuse to let him manipulate me anymore. i'm not backing down... i'm not going to let him push those buttons only HE knows how to push. it's over. WE are over. i'm done.

i guess i feel like someone filed this under my name. i guess it could happen. it's like a law and order: svu thing. wonder when benson will come and gather evidence?

anyway - thank you for letting me vent. i feel better.

mercury rising

and i ain't just talkin about the movie... i've never even seen it... but i digress. what i'm talking about is HEAT. OMG the HEAT. here's what happened...

matilda wanted to spend the night at my parents... not a problem, except that i didn't want to be away from her so i stayed too. the plan was to wake up at like 530am, drive to my place, get ready for work and then, well go to work. and that's what i did. in that order. what i WASN'T prepared for was the HEAT.

i enter my building and realized quickly it was hotter than usual. being the ever-present optimist (as if) i thought, 'it's probably just the corridors that are so stuff, there's no air vents.' i went with that as long as i could. well, at least until i got INSIDE my apartment. i swear to you...i thought i saw those little ladies on that orbit gum commercial. you know the one where snoop dog goes to Haites? yeah - it was THAT hot. =)

so i go over to the thermostat and it's on a toasty 80 degrees. yes folks, EIGHTY degrees. i still think there's something odd going on, but am convinced it's a fluke. i turn the dial down to below 70 and kick the fan on high... nothing happens. by this time it's close to 6am and i haven't even started to get ready. i hop in a nice cool shower - which was quite refreshing by the way. now, puting on make up in the heat was no fun... don't even get me started on drying my hair. it just plain torture.

anyway - the apartment folks said there was a problem with the AC in the building.. YOU THINK! so they assured me it would be fixed 'later today'. i tell you what - after all the AC issues i've had there, i'm wondering what's going on. i chalked it up to not understanding the controls on the very retro unit, but i think now it was the unit itself and not a simple operator error. say a silent prayer that it's cooler when i get there tonight.

uniformed attire

as matilda and i venture into unknown territory - being private schooling - we embarked on a brand new adventure today. uniform shopping.

i dreaded everything about it. i dreaded the expression on matilda's face as she saw the boring clothes she was about to don for many years to come; i dreaded the poutiness i was certain to endure when trying to get the REQUIRED DRESS onto her 'i don't like dresses mommy' body; i dreaded the amount i was going to be faced with paying at the end of our shopping fun.. all in all - i dreaded everything pretty much. until we got there.

my dad came with us, because he's a nut about uniforms and was so excited to learn matilda would be wearing them. i wore school uniforms back in the 3rd grade - private catholic school - can you imagine! so when we found out about the 'dress code' at matilda's school... he was THRILLED to say the least.

we walk in and she was sooo excited. we got the list of her required things and gave her sizes and waited while everything was brought to us... then we tried each item on. it was the most fun i've had in ages... and the same for matilda i think. my dad was beaming as his granddaughter donned the blue plaid jumper dress with peter pan collar. she did look adorable. in fact i wish school would start so i could see her in this stuff.

she picked out a headband. MY child.. who doesn't ever like things in her hair... picked out a headband to match her dress. AND let me pick out another one in a different color she could pick different ones for different days. it was wild. how very wrong i was.

oh and the icing on the cake... the jumper dress is available for her build-a-bear. so naturally we ordered one. she was upset that they didn't have it in stock, but i explained to her that all the other bears wanted it and so they ran out but would make her one special. it'll be mailed to us in a couple weeks... she'll have a package to open up later... that'll be fun.

the damage done to my bank account: not too shabby... a tad over 200 bucks. i got 2 navy shorts, 3 golf shirts with school logo, 1 white peter pan collared shirt, 1 plaid jumper dress, 1 pair of plaid skorts, 1 pair of too-cute ruffle socks and 2 headbands. oh and the bear's dress. i had expected to spend over 350 bucks so i was elated when she announced the grand total. i'll go back in the fall for pants but for now.. we are set.

it was a fantastic outing. made ME want to buy something. unfortunately even the headbands were too small for my adult head. oh well maybe a scrunchi in the plaid pattern. =)

back into the land of the living...

... or so i think anyway. i was on a little va-cay with matilda and my family... had a weeklong visit from my west virginian aunt and her 12 year old daughter, whom matilda took to very well. i've never seen her so excited to have someone sit beside her on road trips. kinda made me jealous. =)

we spent the week at the beach - except mother nature failed to mention to ANY of us her plans for a horrendous downpour. yeah, rain ... every... day. well except for maybe 4 hours on the 4th. but the fireworks were cancelled and i ended up watching some on tv - see, while everyone else was down at the pool, yours truly got a bug from some unknown source and spent the remainder of the evening alone in the room. what fun! what. fun.

in other breaking news... i MOVED! omg - now to those of you who know me... you know this was a long time coming, but let me just say to you new folks out there... my old commute to work (and to my parents) was about 50 miles ONE. WAY. now - 15 minutes tops... less even to my parent's... which is good AND bad at the same time. =) but i'm very happy. i have a 2006 vehicle with 18000 plus miles on it. THAT in itself is depressing. but that's all about to change my friends. you see, this morning - i left my house at 641am... and arrived at my office at 654am. EUREKA! so THIS is what's it's like to live close to work. not to mention i live nextdoor to a hobby lobby AND a target. AND a bed, bath and beyond! i think i could possibly be in heaven so if i see St. Peter, i'll let you know.

matilda has yet to sleep in her new bed. but she and i have talked about it and it was decided, by me more than her, that when school starts, she'll sleep in her bed. it'll be a gradual process for us. but it's time. it. is. time.

my place is fabulous. i couldn't be happier. i think the thing that would make it better if i were somehow able to scoop up my closest friends and place them near me so i wouldn't have to travel so far to get to see them. but you know what.. distance doesn't matter. i would drive 100 miles to laugh with my gal pals. there is nothing better than being silly (and gossiping) with your friends no matter how long it takes you to get to them.